29 Apr 2005

Hello Diary,

I called him again. When his phone was ringing I felt
anticipation running through my body. Some kind of electricity coursing through every part of my body. Even my toes were tingling. I was aware of every part of
my body as I was never before. How could this happen? I wasn't even talking to him. The phone was just ringing!

How am I going to meet him when I feel such strong emotions just by anticipating his call? How am I ever going to say good bye? Am I in love? If yes, then why is this feeling not sustaining me? Why don't I feel happy about it? Isnt love a happy feeling? I am contradictory! How can I call him my brother when I am in love? And there is this possiblity that he doesnt even like me as
much. God please!!!

Let him love me. I want someone in my life so very much. I dont even want any commitments. I wud never push him for anything. Even if he dumps me its okay. I wanna feel how it feels to be his love. To be loved as if i am the only one... Jhoota hi sahi......

I want to feel how it would be to be in his arms by his liking. To be kissed by him..just to feel him by my side. So close that no one can come between us. I want to see love in his eyes. Drown in hsi wonderful eyes.... Eyes
that see through your soul.. Pools of shadows that dont let out anything but engulf everything. I want to cook for him, wash his clothes. I want to listen to his problems ease away his tensions. When he is tired I want to mop his brows.I want to be with him in every step of his. Success and failure both alike if not as his mate then as his friend...

God I cannot say good bye to him. not him!! Cannot leave him. I want to be part of his life even as a worthless waste. I know i will compromise ego for him. Please god save me from this bottomless pit called as love....

Oh what wretch i am!!! Instead of concentrating on studies i am talking all rubbish abt him! I guess everyone has soft spot a weakness in their armor.. I guess he is for me. Even with all his shortcomings his lies he is still welcome if only he stays with me! if only.........

oh god why did you made me love him??? he wudnt love me ever I know. I have seen in his eyes. He doesnt love me i know god why???

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