30 April 2005

Hello again,

I tried to call him so much today. His phone was ringing all day and no one is picking up...It is so frustrating. Now that I ahve decided to talk to
him, he seems so faaar.. I have decided I will call him just once that is final.

I wonder will he come tomorrow as promised? I fervently wish so. I want him to come. I will wait impatiently though.

What if he doesnt come? God don't let it be so.I know I would never call him again if he doesnt come today. I wouldnt say good bye to him and I would leave . Please lord dont let this happen.

I accept i love him. I really do. I have emotions so strong that I wonder how i was ever so blind? What if he is trying to avoid me? I can do nothing abt it I got to bear it if that is to be. Only time can tell.................

1st May 2005

He didnt come. Surprisingly my life didnt stop. The day was as usual.Whats with me? why don't I feel normal feelings? Its as if I never loved him. Everything back to normal. Is this truth of what I felt yesterday is truth?

I dont know what to make of my feelings. I called him up. We talked. Some how it wasnt the same. I ddint feel like talking at all. I was anticipating to feel the same rush again. I wanted to catch that rush again.It was such an wonderful experience sadly it didnt come. It was anticlimatic. The chat was....

What to do? What to feel? Ia m confused